and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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