Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
