so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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