Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
