This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
