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• (574): View more from Indiana

  So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.

  (574): View more from Indiana

  Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Please get laid.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS

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• (909): View more from California

  It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  You need Xanax blowdarts

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day

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• (850): View more from Florida

  I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much

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• (858): View more from California

  someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'll just say I told you so at your funeral

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Fuck me I smell like cheese

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• (214): View more from Texas

  I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it

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