Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
