I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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