Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
