i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
