I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
my liver is dry heaving
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
