Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
