Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
