oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
