I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
