I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
