if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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