She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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