I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He better not be in your backpack
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
