i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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