Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
