don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
