you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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