Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
