im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
