one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
