filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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