I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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