i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
