my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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