At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
