I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
