WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
