I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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