we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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