singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
