people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
