I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
