sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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