don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
