so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
