Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
