oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
