Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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