Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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