my sisters under your porch take her home
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Even my vagina gasped.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
