He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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