can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
