I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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