You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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