Pants 0. Shit 1.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
