Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
